Reminders...

Sometimes, I get to feeling sad or just plain old down. I sometimes get sucker-punched with memories that I'm not expecting. When you lose someone so close to you like I lost Rick, you lose so much more than that person. You have to readjust your ideas and desires for the future. It changes your day-to-day routines in a way that you're just not ready for. A part of you goes with that person and you never get that part of you back. You're changed in a way that you weren't prepared for and may or may not like. You don't just have to rebuild your life, you have to rebuild yourself. It's a hard job, but I feel like I'm hanging in there with it. Well, most of the time. I'm still working on his memorial album and that has helped me in so many ways. Here's a page I finished for it this weekend:

It is mainly about his sense of humor, and how much I miss it. And what a sucker punch it is every time I go to share one of our private jokes and realize he's not there to supply the punch line.

Then I hear about someone losing their child and I think, "wow, how in the hell do you handle that?!?" I wasn't ready for Rick to go, but at least he got 38 years here. I got to share 16 years of my life with him. We got to build memories together. His parents got to watch him grow up and get married. Yeah, it's a total suckfest that he is gone and that I don't get to build more memories with him or share our days together. I mean, it sucks more than I can express. But I got that gift of time with him. I got to see him achieve dreams.

I heard recently about a couple in Texas who lost their son to anencephalopathy. Thomas was only two days old when he died. I cannot even imagine what his parents are going through. I can't even fathom it. I wanted to help in some small way, so I made some pages for his baby book. It doesn't feel like enough. 

The pages for Thomas'es album do not include pictures, as they will be added later by his parents or a friend. Little Thomas gets my first ever attempt at felt roses. He gets lots of prayers from me too, as do his parents. Like I said, I can't even imagine their pain. I feel so badly for his mother, on her first mother's day that she was supposed to be cuddling her precious baby, but instead, her arms are empty. I feel badly for Rick's mother. She should have had the chance to hug her son today, too.



Hugs and prayers for all of you moms today, whether your children are gracing this Earth or have become angels in Heaven. Every footprint, no matter how small, makes its mark on the world. (I read that somewhere, so I can't take credit)